I had recently moved to Asheville, NC to work for a jewelry designer, and after 3 months my position was eliminated when the company lost their main buyer. After trying to find another job, I gave up and moved in with my dad back in Columbus, OH. Even though 7 years had passed since high school, I was very afraid of regressing and I felt like a failure.

I wanted to find dates as well as new friends, so I signed up for an online dating service. I was embarrassed and ashamed about it so I told no one. I also refused to pay for it (out of principle!)

So I joined a site where you could reply to any messages you received for free. Each evening after work I would read the messages in my inbox from that day. It was a great self-esteem booster to see that each day 5-10 new men wanted to chat with me. There were a lot of weirdos, maybe half the messages were creepy or boring or from men 20 years older.

One day I received a message from Jonathan. His message was the longest one yet. He sent a carefully composed essay detailing all of the things we had in common including taste in music, indie movies, and sushi. The last paragraph was an inquiry into the possible outcomes generated by his message. He mentioned sitting together on rocking chairs on a porch in old age, as well as sharing a few emails and also the possibility of never meeting or communicating at all. He seemed pretty normal so I pored over his profile to look for any “red flags”. His picture was a passenger’s perspective of him driving in his car. His whole face was in shadow and he had sunglasses on. All I could tell was that he was Asian and not particularly overweight. I messaged him back and we communicated via email for a few weeks. Then he asked me to meet in person at a tea house called Zencha. I agreed to meet him but was so nervous.

As I was leaving for our date I couldn’t find my wallet. I started panicking and tearing my room apart. I could have asked my Dad to spot me some cash, but I really didn’t want him to know what I was up to. I abhorred the thought of arriving without money. I was NOT going to let this stranger pay for our first date. I was not going to appear weak in any way. I finally found my wallet and arrived at the tea house 40 minutes late. The proprietor and Jonathan were the only people there. He introduced himself, insisted on buying our tea, and we sat down by the front window. As time passed our conversation got more and more intense and we were leaning in towards each other from opposite sides of the small table. We sat for almost 3 hours, then he suggested we go for a walk. It was a sunny and warm day in late August but soon after we ventured outside it started to rain. It felt like I was in a romantic cliche movie. The sun shower ended quickly and he walked me to my car. He asked me out for sushi right then and I accepted. I was very impressed by his boldness and planning, and very relieved that I found him to be very attractive!

I learned later that he was only about a minute away from giving up on me at the tea house. he really thought I had stood him up.

We were married almost exactly 6 years after that first date. Every time we have visited Zencha since, the owner recognizes us. He witnessed our connection as it first unfolded, so it must have stuck in his mind.

This experience taught me a very deep appreciation for the ability to cultivate Aparigraha- letting go. Every time I feel compelled by my sense of pride and wanting to be in complete control, I think of this almost-missed opportunity and it helps me find more openings for connection and for growth.

This Spring, may you let go, and grow.